SCHUBERT and the RAZOR GANG

-- from a staff assessment audit of the New Zealand Symphony Orchestra, undertaken by NZ Treasury, in the light of the Orchestra's budget troubles. The Treasury expert was sent to assess the Orchestra's performance of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony.

The following is taken from his two-page report:

  • For considerable periods, the four oboe players had nothing to do. The numbers should be reduced and their work spread over the whole orchestra, thus eliminating peaks of inactivity.

  • All twelve violins were playing identical notes. This seems an unnecessary duplication, and the staff of this section should be drastically cut. If a large volume of sound is really required, this could be obtained through an electronic amplifier.

  • Much effort was expended in the playing of demi-semiquavers. This seems an unnecessary refinement and it is recommended that all notes should be rounded up to the nearest semi-quaver. If this were done, it should be possible to use trainees and lower-grade operators.

  • No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that has already been handled by the strings. If all redundant passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from two hours to twenty minutes.

  • If Schubert had attended to these matters, he probably would have finished his Symphony.

    Source -- (humour) in general circulation,
    sent to us by activist Jim Chapple


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